i sit watching
the contained fury of
sterile laundromat washing machines
it’s the same feeling
stepping out of the shower and
staring into steamed glass,
staring into the fog--
i know you
i knew you.
when i said i wanted to go home,
i meant i wanted to sleep and
not wake up.
here is all light
bleaching my casually vacant eyes.
here is waking up when
the sun rises, and you kissing me
like you love me.
here is neat lunches and ripe fruits
bursting and tart on my tongue.
here is a frozen lake
i push down on ice until my hand is
numb in cold water.
i forgot to tell you how i hate to feel.
i forgot how much i hate to feel.